the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
