I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
