he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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