Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
