Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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