he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
