i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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