so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
