i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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