There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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