I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
