I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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