is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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