u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
