will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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