He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
