the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
