Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
