Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
