im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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