Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
