I wish I could teleport
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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