i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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