My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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