when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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