nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Text me some of your sweat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
