we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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