Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
