This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
