i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
