Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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