How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize