How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
