My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
