where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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