Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
