how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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