If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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