im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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