alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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