He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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