he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
