OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
