my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
