This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ttyl tear gas
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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