Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
