I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Randomize
