Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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