he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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