you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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