is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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