If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
