I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
