So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
not ubering you a puppy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
