Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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