Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Shame - the story of my life.
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