sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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