false alarm. still invincible.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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