i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
