Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize