She is in my trunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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