Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
