Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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