I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
