This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize