who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
