spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
