Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
