Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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