Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
