i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
