She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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