Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
