I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
