I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
