Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
