Kareoke will never be a sober sport
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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