I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
