yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
