I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
