If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
