Apparently you make a good broom.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
