And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
